Ron Weasley: An Owner's Manual
by jctstorage
Summary: So, you've purchased a RON. Well, read me before you even think about touching any of his wands.


Author's Note/Disclaimer: I do not own Harry or anything related to him. Property of JKR! I also do not own the Owner's Manual series. Property of Theresa Green! (found here: www.fanfiction.net/~theresagreen ) This isn't nearly as funny as the originals, or even the others not written by Theresa, but I had to do it! Oh, and Theresa, anyone with a GANDALF manual in the works? I'm not volunteering, merely curious! ~*~

_Congratulations! _You are now the proud owner of a RON WEASLEY! 

Please follow the guidelines in this manual carefully to ensure your RON functions at his optimal capability. 

  
**INSTALLATION**

When you receive your RON, unwrap him from his Hogwarts robes. It is not necessary to remove any other garments at this stage. 

Your RON should arrive fully assembled and powered up. Please check that you have all his accessories _(see below.)_

**TECHNICAL** **SPECIFICATIONS**

Name: _Ronald Weasley_

Type: _Wizard_

Manufacturer: _Ministry Manufacturing, LLC (Burrow Division)_

Weapon: _maple wood_

Weapon Length: _14 inches_

**ACCESSORIES**

(a) Hogwarts robes

(b) Broken wand

(c) Unbroken wand

(d) Exploding Snap

(e) Wizard chess set

(f) SCABBERS unit and components

(g) Garish sweater with an R on it

Note: Books and cauldron sold separately. 

**OPERATING** **PROCEDURE**

RON comes from a family of seven children, so he knows the ins and outs of domesticity. This makes him suited for such chores as:

Research: RON is first and foremost a student, however he does not operate in this regard by himself. Pair with a HERMIONE unit to use this function.

Baby-sitter: Although he is the youngest boy of the WEASLEY family, RON is used to dealing with large amounts of people at a time. This function is not advisable for children under the ages of six due to his slight temper.

Gardening: RON has spent much time de-gnoming the gardens of the Burrow; allow him to help you with yours! Mild complaining may ensue but it will be worth it.  

Just about anything else!: Thanks to RON's abilities as a wizard, he can use his wand to do just about anything you need done, domestically speaking. Never use a vacuum or dishwasher again: RON can charm everything to wash itself. 

**COMPATIBILITY** **WITH** **OTHER** **MODELS**

RON is perfectly compatible with most Wizards and Muggles. Keep away from any VOLDEMORT or DEATH EATER units in the area, particularly DRACO MALFOY. 

RON has three major settings: 

(a) Hostile

(b) Friendly

(c) Romantic/Slash*

*** NOTE *** RON will automatically switch into Hostile mode when he encounters VOLDEMORT or DEATH EATERs, and it is his *default* setting with DRACO. He can be switched into Friendly (but not Slash) mode with DRACO, but the feature is disabled against VOLDEMORT or any DEATH EATER and they will remain in Hostile no matter what setting you adjust him to be. RON will not usually fight with the 'evil' units, but generally run away instead.

*Due to his youth, the Romance/Slash setting cannot be adjusted and is set at a PG-13 rating. 

**CLEANING**

Your RON model is perfectly capable of cleaning himself regularly and will probably do so without needing to be told. 

**RECHARGING**

After long periods of use, your RON's energy levels may become depleted. Use the following procedures to recharge your wizard: 

Food:  Most any normal food will do. 

Drink: Butterbeer preferred. 

Sleep:  Automatically sleeps at night. 

**FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS/TROUBLESHOOTING**

**Q: **_Can I purchase a second RON?_

**A:**** One RON per household, as with all models in the Hogwarts World line. ******

**Q:**** _I bought my own RON a month ago, but someone bought me the WEASLEY BROTHERS set. Can I keep both RON models?_**

**A:**  No. Please return the individual unit to your nearest Hogwarts World store for a refund. 

**Q: _My RON used the broken wand by mistake and now he's burping up slugs. Help! Why are there two wands anyway?_**** __**

**A: The tried-and-true remedy of a bucket will have your RON unit back to his un-slug-burping self in no time! The broken wand is included more so as an heirloom or trinket than an actual tool. It is for display only; the good wand is the only one that should be used, and while we're at it, allow us to remind all unit owners that the wand belongs to the wizard and NOT YOU. We are NOT liable for any mishaps or medical fees incurred by your foolish attempt to wield your unit's weapon.**

**Q: **_My RON left his Exploding Snap deck lying around and now there's a charred spot on my living room carpet and a crying three-year-old on my lap. How can I get him to pick up after himself? He's been so lazy since I bought him!___

**A:** We're sorry about your carpet and your three-year-old. Your best option would be to threaten to withhold his chess set unless he starts remembering to put things away. Explain to him that he's not at Hogwarts and there are small children around, if such be the case. The laziness could be a side effect from being anywhere but the Burrow or Hogwarts, where he is used to running the _I Come From a Large But Not Very Well-Off Family_ program.

**Q:**** _My RON wears glasses, is snooty, and his sweater says P! In fact, none of his accessories are the same?_**

**A:**** You've purchased a PERCY, and if you need us to tell you that then you should not be purchasing products from our Hogwarts World line. No refund or exchange is available in this circumstance, but feel free to actually purchase a RON unit if you so desire. **

**Q:**** _My RON has been exposed to a HERMIONE, both in Romance setting, but they're fighting! What's wrong with their programming?_**

**A: **This is perfectly normal and nothing to be alarmed at. RON/HERMIONE interaction is by default Friendly bordering on Romance; but their _I Like My Best Friend but Refuse to Admit It_programs have overridden the settings. 

**Q: **_Now that my RON is out of Hogwarts and the Burrow, he doesn't know what to do with himself. He's gotten himself into trouble, and no lawyer will handle the case; that's how bad it's gotten. He's even thinking of starting a Wizard gang! _

**A: **There must be a glitch in his programming. Bring him to your nearest Hogwarts World retailer immediately to have the bug fixed, if possible. Preferably, return the unit and buy your RON as part of one of the sets he comes in, he probably just needs some attention from friends or family.

**Q:**** _RON's_ wizard chess set took so much wear that I decided to buy him a new one. I couldn't find a wizard one and got him a Muggle set instead, and now he refuses to talk to me. __**

**A:****  Wizard chess is very important to RON and he's offended that you didn't realize that the "wizard" part of that was as equally as important as the "chess" part. You can buy new accessories for RON and all your Hogwarts World models at your nearest unit dealer. **

** Q:**_ Minutes after I opened my RON, my yard was surrounded by prepubescent girls clamoring for him. _I told them it was a RON, but they still didn't leave. What gives? Help!_** __**_

**A: **This is the case with most male units of the Hogwarts World line, including RON, as strange as you may find it. Your best bet would be to tell them that someone the next town over bought an entire WEASLEY BROTHERS set. Give the remainders a sedative-laced cookie. ONE cookie per fan-girl, light dose only, and then call their parents or the police if you don't know who their parents are. We are NOT responsible for legal fees if you do not follow these instructions exactly. 

**Q:** _My daughter and/or son has become increasingly withdrawn since I got my RON. S/he refuses to spend time with him, and it upsets me. I bought my RON to be a companion for little Suzy/Johnny!___

**A:** Ask yourself if you are spending too much time with your RON. Have been neglecting your own children? Do you buy things for RON and not them? Help him with his Potions, but not them with their World History? 

**AVAILABILITY:**

RON is available sold separately or as part of the _Dream Team_ set with HARRY and HERMIONE. He is also available with, CHARLIE, BILL, PERCY, FRED, and GEORGE as part of the _Weasley_ Brothers _set. Set units not marketed for individual sale. _

**GUARANTEE:**

Your RON will provide you and your family with years of quality service, thus he is issued with a lifetime warranty. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


End file.
